Right: the world as I see it.
*Cough *Cough... I have just come back to the surface.

Shortly after digging the lock out of my own car with my incredibly strong steel fingernails to steal my own digital camera and hash bag, I had to bury myself alive. It was easy, compared to the break-in, which was pretty stupid anyway, considering I had a spare key hidden in the gas cap.

I could have avoided the whole burial thing if I hadn't reported myself for the theft, thereby forcing myself to go into hiding. You see, the police recovered the camera after I sold it to a local pawn shop...

Unfortunately, I had photographed myself leaving the scene of the crime, and standing outside my front door, with my address clearly visible in the background.

I believe the interest in the case has diminished, because I phoned the officer and told him to call off the search, since I wasn't really interested in tracking myself down anymore.

Tomorrow, I plan to send myself a fake (but very authentic-looking) email from "PayPal" requesting my password and other personal information so that I can steal my own identity. I am hoping to land a spot on one of those hilarious identity theft commercials. You know, where it looks like me talking, but I'm saying all kinds of stuff I would never say, and telling about all the things I would not normally buy.... Like, "first I charged a keg of Saint Arnold's Beer, then bought a gigantic bag of dogfood, and a weird plastic 3D ring to wear to the roller derby this Sunday".

P.S. Thanks for "lying around" on my blog while I went UnderGround.