"GROUNDHOG" DAY, 2008

Top: Rare black and white (colorized) photo of a 1950's true groundhog after a violent death.

Bottom: Alien SubGenius, cir. 1991.



OH BEST BELOVED,
If you believe in Grondhog Day, clap your hands, you're a pink! Everyone knows that Groundhog Day was a cheap ruse laid on Those 50's People by Sub-Genii from The Future, which was, back then, 1991.

The fictitious groundhog portrayed in so many children's books and that Bill Murray movie, was actually a midget abducted from the Star Wars movie set... that's right, a costumed "Ewok". Future SUb-genii of the 1990's found midget flesh much more malliable for probes and various stimuli.

"Aliens sampling Starwars? Coincidence?" you ask. I think NOT!

Anyone who has done their homework knows that back in the 1950's, when everything was still in Black and White, and real groundhogs still roamed the earth, the gigntic creatures were actually transparent until death. Thus, if a groundhog were to see his (or her) shadow, it would mean its soul had crossed over, which of course means it can't see ANYTHING...

So, those of you who have been told that the 2008 groundhog "appeared" and "saw his shadow", fear not. We shall see no such thing as another six weeks of winter. In fact, if you have kept up with your scripture, you will no doubt have learned that we are destined for two-day cycles of winter/spring/winter/spring, etc. for all eternity...

So, let's get on with it.